Free resources
Relationships and boundaries
Say what you need. Stay connected. Stay yourself.
Relationships and boundaries resources
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LearnAttachment theory
How early bonds shape the way we connect as adults, from Bowlby onward.
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LearnAttachment styles
Patterns in how we connect, and why attachment is a spectrum rather than a fixed category.
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LearnAttachment under stress
How different attachment styles can respond when connection feels threatened.
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LearnCommunication styles
Passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive: recognise yours and choose better.
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ReflectCommunication pattern tracker
Notice your typical patterns, what works, and where you would like to change.
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LearnAssertiveness
Speak your needs, respect others, and stay true to yourself. What it is and how it sounds.
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PracticeBoundary statements
Simple, calm words for protecting your time, energy and values.
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ReflectThe boundary map
Knowing what is yours to decide, what is not, and saying it clearly.
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ReflectWhat happens when I set a boundary?
Notice the response, your own experience and the pattern over time when you communicate a limit.
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LearnDEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST
Three DBT skills and how they fit: be clear, keep the relationship, keep your self-respect.
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ReflectDEAR MAN planning sheet
The DBT skill for asking for what you need, with a page for planning the conversation.
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ReflectInterpersonal effectiveness plan
Planning a difficult conversation, one step at a time.
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LearnValidation vs invalidation
Communicating that someone's experience makes sense, and what it sounds like when we don't.
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LearnListening, fixing and validating
Three responses to someone in difficulty, with very different effects.
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LearnCo-regulation vs self-regulation
Calming with someone else's help and calming on your own: two paths, one goal.
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LearnThe four horsemen
Gottman's four communication patterns that predict relationship distress.
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LearnThe 5:1 ratio
Stable relationships keep about five positive interactions for every negative one.
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LearnThe repair process after conflict
Conflict is normal. What happens afterwards is what matters.
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ReflectRelationship repair vs repetition
Is the relationship changing? Telling genuine repair apart from the same cycle again.
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ReflectConflict tracker
Reflect on what happens before, during and after conflict, and find more helpful ways to respond.
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LearnSecurity and novelty
Esther Perel on love and desire: the anchor and the waves.
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LearnIntermittent reinforcement in relationships
Why unpredictable affection keeps you hooked harder than steady affection does.
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LearnSigns of an abusive relationship
What abuse can look and feel like, including when it is hard to name.
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ReflectSigns of relationship strain
What it can look and feel like when a relationship is under pressure.
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ReflectSigns of secure, respectful connection
What safety, trust and closeness often look and feel like over time.
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LearnThe people-pleasing cycle
It starts as a way to feel safe. How it turns into exhaustion and resentment.
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ReflectPeople-pleasing tracker
Notice when people-pleasing shows up, understand what drives it, and try more balanced responses.
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LearnThe pursuer-distancer dynamic
One reaches, the other retreats, and both feel unseen. The pattern in one picture.
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LearnThe drama triangle
Persecutor, victim and rescuer: recognising the roles that keep conflict going.
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LearnThe circle of control
Directing your energy where it can make a difference: what you control, influence, and can't.
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LearnControl vs influence
What you control, what you can only influence, and what lies outside both.
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ReflectWhat I can control
Sorting what I can act on from what I cannot change.
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LearnThe Johari window
What we show, what we keep private, and what others may notice.
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ReflectTrigger tracker
Notice what sets off a strong reaction, understand it, and plan a different response.
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ReflectReassurance-seeking tracker
Record each urge to seek reassurance, and what happened when you acted on it, delayed it or resisted it.
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ReflectRecognising harmful relationship patterns
Noticing patterns of pressure, control and hurt, and how they affect you. Not a test or a diagnosis.
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LearnRecognising manipulation
When influence becomes control: what happens to your room to think, choose and say no.
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LearnTraumatic cognitive dissonance
The painful confusion of care and harm coming from the same person.
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ReflectWhen a relationship leaves you doubting yourself
Step back from single moments to look at the overall pattern of a relationship, and what it may be doing to you.
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ReflectThe FOG check
Fear, obligation and guilt: looking closely at one interaction and what shaped your choice.
These resources are for general education and self-reflection, not a substitute for individual psychological assessment or therapy. If you are in crisis, feel unsafe, or may harm yourself or someone else, please contact emergency services or go to the nearest emergency department.